Hey, all you cool cats and kittens. The Commissioner here. Things have been pretty crazy around here since we were forced to cancel this year’s special All-Star tournament due to the Covid-19 outbreak.
We hope you’ve been staying safe and exercising responsible social distancing. (Quick aside: Is it weird to anyone else that we had to [a] teach people how to properly wash their hands and [b] give them a song to sing to get to 20 seconds? That’s weird, right?)
We hate that all our plans to make this year particularly special were side-lined, but this is reality now. We hope to simply move the celebration to 2021 so we can still do some of the things we’d planned.
Brian O’Henry suggested on Twitter that I be named Best Friend this year in light of the crisis. While I was touched, I don’t believe that’s the best resolution to this situation. So we at the FMAA put our heads together, and we believe we came up with a solution that adheres to the spirits of competition and friendship for which this tournament has long stood.
We’re going to play “Who Wants to Be a Best Friend?”
Below is the first set of questions — half multiple choice and half fill in the blank — to narrow the field of 16. The lowest four scores will be eliminated, and we’ll continue from 12 to eight to four before we reaching the championship.
Please send an audio recording of your responses via text or to firstname.lastname@example.org by 7 p.m. tomorrow (Sunday). May the best friend win.
What is my caffeine of choice?
B. Cold Brew
D. Red Bull
I’ve been to three other countries (none of which are Canada or Mexico). Name one of them.
I’ve only been to two OU-Texas games — once as a fan and once as a(n):
C. Walk-on kicker
I’ve been a New York Times subscriber since 2015. What made me buy a subscription?
What is my favorite cocktail?
A. Mint Julep
B. Old Fashioned
C. Paper Plane
D. Titos & vodka
What is my middle name?
Where is my favorite place to visit in the United States?
What is my greatest fear?
What is my favorite category of food?
I have three favorite video games. Name one of them.
BONUS: What is my favorite wine varietal?
TIE-BREAKER: Who is my favorite classical composer?